


To See you Suffer

by Knaija



Series: Learning to Say No [2]
Category: Apink, Big Bang (Band), Infinite (Band), Teen Top (Band)
Genre: Angst, Blackmail, Crushes, F/M, Forgiveness, Jealousy, M/M, Mentorship, Multi, One Night Stand, Teen Top shows up in chapter 6, Unfinished, bad decision, cameos by other idols, making amends, original idol group, past hojong, pinkfinite, pinning, same story different summary, sungyeol gives horrible advice, unhealthy realtionship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-05-29 07:51:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6365500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Knaija/pseuds/Knaija
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Everyone wants to make Howon out to be a bad guy. I sleep around, I’m a womanizer. I’m a man-whore. I lead people on. The list is endless. I’m not running around trying to blame anybody for the things they’ve done to me. He told you the whole story I’m sure.”</p><p>“Yes, but-”</p><p>“Then you know he didn’t have to pay for punching Seungri-hyung? I did. I went up to their apartment not him. He doesn’t know what happened there. For all he knows, I could be walking around with scars and bruises on his behalf but not once… NOT ONCE, has he said he’s sorry.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bad Ideas All Around

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to HOW YOU MADE MY HEART YOUR OWN. it's a stand-alone but you should go read that one first.  
> This focuses on the Howon/Sungjong/Seungri drama but the other members would be mentioned from time to time.  
> Pls, enjoy

“So let me get this straight.” The voice from his laptop spoke as Howon dove back into his closet and emerged with a purple sweater. “You’re going on a date with Seungri?”

“Yes.” He said, tersely, looking in the mirror.

“Big Bang’s Seungri?” The voice asked.

“Yes.”

“The same one that you swore was not your type?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t believe you.”

Howon exhaled, tiredly as he turned round and stared at Yunho, sitting at a desk, looking back at him from his own Skype channel over there at the barracks. He hadn’t spoken to the guy since the year began and it just figured that he would choose tonight _of all times_ to call Howon.

“What do you want me to say?” Howon asked and the hardened expression on Yunho’s face softened.

“What’s going on, Howon-ah?” Yunho asked leaning forward in his army-issued black shirt and camo-jacket slung over his shoulder. “You can talk to me.”

“It’s really nothing, hyung.” Howon went back into his closet, realizing that he really didn’t want to look at his favorite sweater and remember this night.

“This is not how you look when you go on dates, Howon. You look defeated. Tired. Reluctant.”

“I _am_ tired, hyung.”

“Then why go on the date?”

Resigned, Howon slumped into the chair in front of his laptop. If he didn’t talk now, Yunho was going to call in the big guns: which just meant he was going to have to spend his weekend being followed around by Changmin again. And Changmin was a very sourly, loud existence that didn’t know how to have fun but had convinced himself that he was great at it.

“There was an incident with Seungri.”

“What incident?”

Howon did not know how to explain to Yunho what had happened without causing some kind of new issue between Big Bang and DBSK. But he just had to grit his teeth and do it.

“Sungjong punched Seungri.”

Yunho dissolved into laughter, disappearing from the screen for a while as his laughter traveled through the speakers and into Howon’s room.

“It won’t be very funny anymore in a minute, hyung.” Howon said and Yunho reappeared.

“I think I like Sungjong more, now.” He said, using his jacket to dab at the edges of his eye as if he had been sobbing in mirth. “It was stupid and juvenile but what does that have to do with your date?” Yunho said as he snapped his fingers. “Oh, so you’re dating him as penance?”

“Yes.” He pursed, refusing to say more.

“Eh. That wasn’t so hard to admit, was it? Jesus, I wonder what Jiyong would have done if he found out.”

Howon got up again, pulling off his sweater.

“Howon?” Yunho called and Howon hated that Yunho knew him so well. “That’s not the whole story, is it?”

“Please, leave it alone, hyung.”

“I swear to God,” Yunho said, standing up as if he could intimidate Howon through the chat. “If you don’t tell me what’s going on-”

“Jiyong knows.” Howon said.

“Why are you wasting time to tell me this stuff? Just get it all out already.”

“Seungri gets to have me the whole night.” Howon felt his mouth report before he could stop it and Yunho’s eyes nearly popped out of their socket.

“What,” Yunho began. “The fuck… is that supposed to mean?” Yunho sounded angry.

“What do you think it means hyung?” Howon sat on his bed, burying his head in his arms.

“Howon, listen to me and listen good.” Yunho said. “You’re not going anywhere tonight. You’re going to stay home. I will call Changmin-”

“I already agreed to it.” Yunho swore, walking away out of the view of the camera.

“Why would you do that? Are you stupid? Do you want to die?”

“He’s not going to kill me, hyung.”

“ _I’m_ going to kill you.” Yunho said. “Don’t do this. It’s stupid. If Sungjong punched him, tell Sungjong to keep his face let Seungri punch him right back.”

“Jiyong didn’t want that as punishment.”

“This was Jiyong’s idea?” Yunho said, shaking his head. “I’m going to squeeze that skirt-wearing, kohl-painting-”

“I agreed to it.”

“What did Sunggyu say? Where was he?”

“He didn’t want me to do it.”

“And?” Yunho probed. “What did he do?”

“Nothing. There was nothing he could do.”

Yunho tilted his head at Howon as if trying to figure something out.

“Really? Sunggyu handed you over to Seungri without a fight? I find that hard to believe.”

“He has his own issues. Besides I wasn’t going to let him get in trouble because of me.”

“But you didn’t even punch Seungri. Ahhh!” Yunho shouted. “What sort of a dirty, disgusting deal is this?”

“I’ll be fine, hyung. It’s not like I’ve never been with a guy before.”

“What if he wants to fuck you, instead?” Yunho asked and Howon felt his ears burn: he had never even thought of that. He always just assumed Seungri was… not into topping.

“I… uh…” Howon was speechless.

“I bet you hadn’t thought of that before you went jumping into stupid commitments.” Yunho hissed. “I bet Sungjong wants to kill himself.”

“I’m not talking to him.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s jealous and he’s stupid. And this is all his fault. I’m not even going to be in the same room as him after this. I can’t wait for PT’s tour to begin just so I don’t have to see his stupid face.”

“Howon-”

“I know you always side with him whenever we quarrel but I don’t need to hear it right now, hyung.” He said, struggling not to sound weak. Which was exactly how he was feeling. Yunho took his seat again, looking right at Howon.

“I want you to promise me, something, Howon-ah.”

“Yes, hyung.”

“Immediately you get back, you come right here and email me all right? Tell me what happened. If he does anything to you that you don’t want, you tell him. If he doesn’t relent, you tell me, okay?”

“Hyung-”

“Okay?”

“Yes, hyung.”

“Dance-machine?” Yunho said sadly, placing his fist on the screen.

“Dance machine.” Howon said, placing his own fist as well as a tiny smile was brought to his lips.

Someone called to Yunho and he looked away before looking back at Howon.

“I have to go. I’ll check my mail in the morning, though.” Yunho said. “Good luck on your date.”

“Thanks hyung.”

The call ended.

*********

The moment Howon’s room door opened, Sungjong stood to his feet, waiting for him to come out into the sitting room. Sungjong knew what Sunggyu was doing when he sent them all out to play that evening. He suspected that it had to mean Jiyong had contacted him and that Howon would not be coming with them. So when they got to the club, Sungjong excused himself and took a cab right back to their building and let himself in as he waited for Howon.

Howon had, without speaking, forbidden him from entering his room.

Sungjong was beside himself. There was only so much he could take of the thoughts that came coming into his mind, causing him to nearly vomit but he had to be still and wait. For one thing, he could not be jealous anymore. He had lost that right the moment his jealousy put Howon in danger.

Howon stopped as he saw Sungjong standing there and Sungjong did not know what to do. Putting his phone in his pocket, he continued towards the door, ignoring Sungjong.

“Hyung, please…” Sungjong said and he did not know what he was even begging for.

Howon started to put on his shoes and Sungjong couldn’t help himself anymore. He walked up to him and grabbed his arm, hoping to keep him but Howon just shrugged him off, glaring daggers at him.

“Howon-hyung.” He stopped and looked at Sungjong for a second. “Please don’t go. You don’t have to do it.” Sungjong begged, crying.

Howon opened the door and closed it behind himself, leaving Sungjong in an empty apartment. All alone. He had to do something. He could not just sit here and wait or he might… Sungjong did not know what he could do that would make things worse.

After minutes of worrying and thinking, he figured being at the club with the members might be the best thing for him, after all.

*********

Seungri sat beside Howon on his sofa, watching and old Japanese movie with poor subtitles that he and Youngbae usually watched as they drank Soju just so they could insult the people who wrote the subtitles. Somehow, he had been wrong to assume that this would be a fun way to break ice, thinking that Howon would show more backbone than he was showing at the moment.

This made Seungri really sad as he watched Howon pinch the knee of his trousers and flinch every time Seungri moved or tried to get up. This had been Jiyong’s prediction but Seungri thought he might get more of a fight out of Howon that he was seeing.

“This is so stupid.” Seungri said, watching Howon cringe away as he hissed. “Why are you like this?”

“How am I supposed to be?” Howon asked, tightly.

“How you were on our first date? You know? The one that caused your evil maknae to punch me?”

“I actually agreed to that one.”

“You agreed to this one, too.” Seungri pointed out.

“Under duress.” Howon looked at him and Seungri decided it was time all cards were put on the table.

“I’m not going to do anything to you.” Seungri said.

“What?” Howon asked, looking at him suspiciously.

“I’m not touching you. I’m not having sex with you. I’m not going to tie you up and whip you with a paddle.”

Seungri was so confused when he noticed Howon’s obvious relief at his last statement.

“Did you think I was going to whip you?”

“I’m very creative.” Howon said. “My mind came up with some good stuff.”

“Do I look like I’m into bondage?”

“Hyung, you had _your_ very intimidating leader, intimidate _my_ intimidating leader into getting me to go on a date with you: I’d say bondage was not a long stretch from that.”

“That was just a show.” Seungri said, voice almost rising.

“For who?” Howon asked back in the same tone.

“For Sungjong!” Seungri said.

“Oh! Right. Why?”

“Because he punched me, you idiot.” Seungri said, leaning back on the sofa to continue his movie.

“And you didn’t think punching him right back would be enough?” Seungri couldn’t help but scoff.

“Your tiny maknae punched me. If I decided to punch him back, he’d die.” Seungri said. “This was Jiyong’s idea.”

It was pretty brilliant, actually. Jiyong was furious when Youngbae called him. He suggested the punching thing but Seunghyun thought that might just lead to death (rightly so). Then Daesung Suggested they ask for Sungjong’s servitude for a week. This then gave Jiyong the idea that they request Howon for a night of nothing. But Sungjong didn’t have to know that last part.

“You stay here the whole night and I never touch you on two conditions.” Howon looked at him.

“What are they?”

“One: you can’t tell Sungjong until the night PT leaves for tour.” Seungri said.

“That’s kind of evil.” Howon said, even as Seungri could see the makings of a smile etching into his features. Maybe he wasn’t the only pissed at Sungjong after all.

“I mean it, Howon. You can’t crack. If he’s anything like you, he’ll probably think you spent the night in shackles-”

“He’s worse than I am.”

“Good.” Seungri said, almost feeling ashamed for the amount of joy that caused him.

“What’s the second condition?” Howon asked as he faced Seungri.

“I want to kiss you.” Seungri said.

“But you said-”

“All I want is a kiss, Howon. I would have kissed you at the end of our first date, anyway. If Sungjong didn’t interrupt me. Rude.” He said.

He watched Howon, as he sat there, deep in thought and Seungri knew that if Howon said no, there was nothing he would be able to do about it. He wasn’t going to force him. The last thing he needed was for Howon to hate him even more.

“Fine.”

“Really?” he asked, unable to stop himself.

“Really.” Howon said. “Let’s get this over with.”

Seungri couldn’t help but frown. Off course he was hoping to get this over with as quickly as possible. Because kissing Seungri was a chore for him. But Seungri was going to take what he could get.

“Okay.” He said, moving to face Howon and mirror the way Howon was already sitting. He sat there and they just stared at each other.

“Any day, now.” Howon said.

“Right.”

Seungri launched at Howon, latching their lips together. He tried to move his mouth but all he got was a tense reaction from a blinking Howon who had, it seemed, not expected him to be so eager. It was awful and bad and nothing like he thought it would be. After almost a minute, he withdrew, incredibly unsatisfied.

“Was that okay?” Howon asked him, looking concerned.

He wanted to shake his head but his mouth said: “Yes, it was.”

“No, it wasn’t.”

“I swear.” Seungri said, looking up at him. “It was okay.”

Howon looked uncomfortable for a second and before he knew it, Howon covered the space between them, kissing him quite aggressively as Seungri found himself surrendering as Howon pressed against him, causing an undignified sound to escape from his lips. Seungri did not even know he was lying on his back, till Howon withdrew so that they could both catch their breath. As Howon sat back, Seungri couldn’t bring himself to sit up too because his mind had shut down for more than a few seconds.

“Was that better?” Howon asked.

“Yes.” Seungri croaked then cleared his throat. “Yes, it was.”

“Do you… do you want anything else?” Howon asked, peering over at him as he was still lying on the sofa.

There were so many answers to that question. So many things he thought he could ask for, but he had said all he wanted was one kiss. He couldn’t go back on that now. Seungri berated himself for being so stupid. How did he think one kiss was ever going to be enough? He wanted everything, all the time, probably for the near future. One kiss, one night was nothing but a gateway activity to obsession.

He looked into Howon’s dark as he leaned over him and was embarrassed to note that Howon was not even affected by the kiss: his eyes weren’t blown out, his expression was normal and he was barely out of breath. Meanwhile Seungri’s life was up-side-down.

“Wha…?” Seungri started as Howon’s hands attacked his zipper. “What are you doing?” His voice sounded shrill in his ear.

Howon knelt in front of him, as Seungri sat up, undoing his button and drawing down the zip.

 _I should stop this,_ he thought. _I should really stop this._

“You have no idea the awful things I thought you were going to do to me.” Howon said, urging Seungri to raise his hip. Without meaning to, Seungri got up a little as Howon pulled his trouser and his boxers down to his ankle.

_Oh God… oh God… oh God… oh God… oh God…_

Seungri licked his lips helplessly, staring at Howon. “

So you can imagine how grateful I am right now.” Howon said and Seungri nodded as Howon lowered his head into Seungri’s lap.

“Oh God…” Seungri breathed as his eyes fluttered shut.

Seungri may have had a tiny heart attack.

*********

Eunji could not believe she let Sungjong talk her into this mess. And yet, here she was, barely awake, but standing outside Howon’s door with her ears pressed closed so they could both listen in on what was going on inside.

She did not know why she did this to herself anyway. After the very public fallout with Sunggyu and Naeun, Chorong sat them all down and gave them a talk about fooling around with the guys of Infinite. They were about to become a unit, so now, more than ever, they had to behave themselves. It would no longer be the same as dating guys from other bands because now, it was the same thing as APink girls dating APink girls because they were all now PT members.

_Eww._

For one thing, Infinite guys were not girls, thank you. And they didn’t live together. And they didn’t share clothes. And they didn’t spend every waking hour together.

Maybe the last one wasn’t very true but still, Eunji did not agree with the ban on Pinkfinite relationships. Just because Naeun had a big mouth and went and said horrible things to the _leader_ of Infinite, did not mean she could ruin it for the rest of them. She knew about a couple other APink members who felt the same way but were too chicken to do anything about it.

Not Eunji, though.

Besides, now that Acube and Woollim had come together to form a sub-unit made up of APink and Infinite members, they would be touring together. Granted, it was only half of both groups, but was it Eunji’s fault that she and her crush just happened to be among the people selected to make up PT? If she was going to be with Woohyun day-in-day-out, why couldn’t she be _with him_ day-in-day-out?

So when Sungjong requested her presence in Woohyun and Howon’s apartment, she was quick to follow. What was one more reason to run into Woohyun? But that day was different. Sungjong, unable to enter Howon’s room for, whatever reason, had stopped outside and placed his ear to the door. Eunji followed suit.

“ _That’s a stupid plan._ ” She heard Seungri say and she looked at Sungjong in question.

“What’s Seungri doing here?” She asked in a whisper.

“Later.”

 _“You haven’t even tried it.”_ Howon said. _“You’re always like this.” “_

_You don’t know me.”_

_“_ _You’re just being stubborn.”_

_“_ _If it was you, would you do it?”_

There was a purse on the other side of the door.

_“We’re not talking about me, are we?”_

_“Nice.”_ Seungri said, sarcastically.

Eunji heard someone clear their throat behind her and Sungjong and they turned around to see Woohyun stand opposite them, in front of his room door.

_Shit!_

“I can explain.” Sungjong whispered.

Five minutes later, Sungjong and Eunji were seated at the kitchen table as Woohyun stood before them with a cup of coffee in his hand.

“Did Sunggyu tell you both to stay out of this apartment before 10am?”

“On days you don’t have schedules.” Eunji said.

“Practice is by 2pm, Eunji.” Woohyun said. “I’m pretty sure I don’t have to be awake till 12.”

“But we weren’t making any noise.” Sungjong whined.

“What were you doing, then?” Woohyun asked. “Here to finish the job, Sungjong?”

“No he’s not.” Eunji said in Sungjong’s defense and Woohyun looked her. Then he looked at Sungjong.

“You told her?” Woohyun asked.

“The very next day.” Eunji said.

“Well then you know how much we do not want to disturb Seungri’s visit then.” Woohyun said and Eunji felt a few words on the tip of her tongue but Sungjong just shook his head at her.

From what Sungjong had told her, Infinite knew that he punched Seungri, but they didn’t know what happened the next day when Sungjong, Howon and Sunggyu met with Jiyong and Seungri and they demanded Howon for the night like he was a piece of meat. Judging from how supportive of Seungri Woohyun was, at the moment, Eunji doubted that he knew the full story. Maybe if he knew what Seungri was capable of, he would not be so quick to be so accommodating.

“Leave them alone, Sungjong.” Woohyun said.

Sungjong sulked and left the kitchen but Eunji stayed put. She had a few things she would like to get off her chest and she rather not have an audience.

“What are you still doing here?” Woohyun asked.

“Cook me breakfast.” She said.

“Eunji-” He said and she could feel refusal coming so she dug into her pocket, removed her phone and showed him the picked hiding behind her lock-screen.

Woohyun’s face went tight and red in one second and she almost laughed.

“Why are you showing me this?” He asked, clearing his throat.

“Cook me breakfast,” She said evilly. “And I’d email you a copy. Maybe more.”

Woohyun groaned stubbornly.

“Stop being such a prude.” She chided as he looked back at her.

“What would you like to eat, then?”

*********

Later that day, Sungjong and Sungyeol sat in the CEO’s office, reading through the content for Jetesy’s Pre-debut reality show, Sungjong’s mind kept wondering back to Seungri and Howon’s conversation and the amount of ease Howon exhibited around him.

 _“You’re just being stubborn.”_ Howon had said and Sungjong cringed at the familiarity. He did not even sound scared at all. No underlying resentment. No heat. Nothing. He almost sounded like he did when he talked to… when he talked to Sungjong. How could Howon replace him? How could he just accept what Seungri had done? Did he like it?

Sungjong squeezed the script in his hand, earning him a sour look from Sungyeol because, since they got there, Sungjong had been anything but support ive. He had allowed Sungyeol do all the talking and almost sounded like he would rather be anywhere else. Which, he would, by the way. But this was his job.

Woollim, having had success with Infinite’s YAMO and the attention it got from Epik High’s Tablo and Mithra’s involvement as mentors was hoping for the same effect here. So, Sungjong and Sungyeol were given the roles of hyung-mentors to the four boys in Jetesy. A month ago, Sungjong would have been excited –in fact, a month ago, he was excited- but at the moment, he just wanted to curl up and cry properly.

Especially now that Howon was falling for his captor.

Sungjong wondered if Stockholm syndrome worked if you still got to go home in between abusive bouts. Most definitely. If he was using Howon and Seungri as an example.

“Taesan seems to already have a relationship with your group.” CEO-nim was saying.

“Yes, Sir.” Sungyeol said. “But he’s much closer to Sunggyu-hyung than any of us.”

“I can see how he’d be.” CEO-nim said. “They are both leaders, after all. But he’s going to be spending more time with you two so cultivate that relationship, eh?” He said as someone knocked on the door and pushed it open.

A pale face peeped in and looked at three of them.

“CEO-nim.” Taesan said, walking in to join them. “You called me.” He looked at Sungjong and Sungyeol. “Sunbae.” He bowed at them.

“Sit.” CEO-nim said. “Are your members here?”

“Yes, sir. We’ve been in since 5am, sir.” Taesan said. “Dubo-hyung had to rework most of the choreography because of Jerry’s shoulder.”

“Ah, Jerry.” CEO-nim said. “He needs to rest it. Debut is getting closer.”

“He knows that, sir.”

“You people should rest for the day. Send your manger in, let’s discuss your schedule.” CEO-nim said.

Taesan left.

“They remind me of Infinite.” CEO-nim said wistfully. “Before you grew big heads.” He said without any heat. “Okay, so the Jetesy dorm is a mess, what with moving and all that but once it’s done and they are settled, shooting starts. I have been assured that they would be ready in two weeks. You both have free time till then. I want you much more familiar with the boys and I want them very comfortable with you. You know, like you used to be with Epik High.”

“Yes sir.” They said in unison. CEO-nim exhales. “That should be all. You can go.”

They left, straightening their clothes on the way out.

“What is wrong with you?” Sungyeol asked, turning on him once they got out of the office.

“I’m sorry hyung.”

“Is it because of Howon-hyung? Sungjong you have to move on.”

“If he just-”

“He likes someone now. I don’t think I’ve seen him spend so much time with anyone he had sex with before. You need to let this go before you cause more trouble.”

“If you knew the whole story-”

“We all know you’ve had sex with him before but you don’t count because it was once. _Once_. And that was a while ago.”

Sungjong didn’t know if Sungyeol was being cruel on purpose or if he was just insensitive.

“I’m not being cruel and I’m not insensitive.” Sungyeol said, taking Sungjong by the shoulder. “But you need to toughen up and work. What would you do when he goes on tour? Are you going to mope after him forever?”

“I don’t know what to do, hyung.”

“It’s a cliché but the best way to get over someone is to get over someone else. And I can think of a few ideas.” Sungyeol said, hugging Sungjong sideways as they walked away from the CEO-office.

“Like what?”

“Find someone else. Someone willing. Someone who can take your mind off of Howon.”

“Who? It’s not like there are people just milling around waiting to sleep with me.”

“Really?” Sungyeol deadpanned. “You can’t think of anyone who is willing to bend over for you? Because I know one right off the top of my head.” Sungyeol nodded away and Sungjong’s gaze followed the direction Sungyeol was indicating and landed on Taesan talking to his members.

“No!” Sungjong said, shaking his head. “Bad idea, hyung.”

“Worse than pinning after a teammate who isn’t even talking to you right now?”

This was such a bad idea.

Sungjong _knew_ it was a bad idea.

He just needed to remind his brain it was a bad idea.

“Taesan-ah!” Sungyeol called.

“Wait… what?” Sungjong said. “Hyung what are you doing?”

The innocent boy was already rushing towards them, his eyes placed securely on Sungjong as if he could look at nothing else.

“I got this.” Sungyeol whispered to him, beckoning the boy closer.

Sungjong just knew there had to be a special room waiting just for him in hell.


	2. Leader Hat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sunggyu's been kept out of the loop too long. time for an update

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the reason behind sunggyu's panic attack incident is better explained in the prequel but isn't very relevant for this story.

Seungri wanted to laugh at himself. Even though the situation was anything but funny. He wanted to roll around and scream so loud people stared at him like he had gone crazy with amusement. Because, maybe he had.

Here he was, on a Thursday evening, avoiding Jiyong because that was what he did now. Ever since the thing with Howon started and Jiyong began having ideas of what Seungri should or should not do. Sometimes, he wondered if Jiyong knew what his suggestions were doing to Seungri or if he just derived pleasure in watching his frustration.

But even Jiyong’s evilness was not the reason Seungri was where he was at the moment.

Which was, kneeling down on the floor, by the elevator, in the Woollim building, with a panic-ridden Sunggyu struggling to breathe in front of him. Seungri did not know how weird things like these just kept happening to him. But there he was.

“Listen to me, hyung.” Seungri said. “You’re having a panic attack. You need to breathe Just calm down. In and out, with me. Come on.”

Sunggyu was trembling like a leaf, dripping Seungri’s hands like his life depended on it. The hilarious thing was, less than two minutes ago, Sunggyu was tearing him a new one and…

Wait… that’s not even the beginning of the story.

Seungri woke up that morning because someone decided to play GTA in his room so loud that he was dreaming about car heists and hookers. When his brain finally understood that it was an outside source, he opened his eyes and there Howon was, pressing away and ignoring him.

“What are you doing in my room?” He asked, pulling his blanket back over his head so he could compel sleep to come back.

“I told Sungjong…” He stopped. “No, I shouted to Woohyun that I was coming to your apartment, while Sungjong sat there looking like he was going to be sick.”

Howon laughed and kept playing.

“Yeah, good. Fine. You’ve punished him for the day. You didn’t have to come here.”

“Where else was I going to go?”

“I don’t know. Anywhere but here. Howon it’s 8 in the morning.”

“I can’t go anywhere else.” Howon said as he paused the game and turning around to kneel over Seungri’s bed, leaning towards his feet. “All my friends are his friends… or they like him better. I don’t know if they’ll just tell him where I am.”

“Fine. You can come over but please don’t play that dim game when I’m sleeping.”

“It’s in your room.”

Seungri lay there, waiting for the sound that said Howon had turned away from him. They never came so he pulled down the blanket.

“What?”

“I want to continue.” Howon said and Seungri had to swallow, feeling heat rise to his cheeks.

Howon really wanted to do more? With him? But not now. He hadn’t showered. And he was sure Jiyong and Youngbae were around. They would hear. Seungri’s mind was running around because Howon never gave him any indication to believe that he was ever going to do anything sexual with him since that one, first blow job that had destroyed Seungri’s life and turned him into an Inspirit.

“Here?” Seungri asked.

“Where else?” Howon asked in confusion before he pouted. “Do you want to take it elsewhere?”

“No!” Seungri said, getting up. “Let me shower.”

“I’ll go on without you.” Howon said, as Seungri quickly picked up his towel and disappeared out of the room, rushing to the bathroom down the hall.

“Your boyfriend is here.” Youngbae said, coming out from the toilet.

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Lover then?” Youngbae shaped his mouth as he teased and Seungri just shut the door in his face.

When he got his breathing under control, Seungri sat on the floor beside him.

 _“I’ll go on without you.”_ Howon said and Seungri shivered in anticipation, wondering about what Howon would be doing to himself by the time Seungri got back.

When he got back, Howon was still facing the screen, hands gripping the game pad and curse words issuing from his mouth as he shot and killed everyone in his path. Seungri was so, very confused as he shook his head, still in his towel. He had thought Howon would be just as, if not more, undressed than he was.

“What are you doing?” Seungri asked in horror.

“I’m jumping up and down.” Howon said without looking up at him. “What are you doing? Get dressed and get over here, damn it.”

Seungri couldn’t move for a second as he stood, willing his wits back in place because Howon was going to be the death of him. When he finally thought h could, he walked over to his drawer and took out a new set of sweats and a t-shirt which he put on before he tossed his towel.

“I’ll see what’s there for breakfast.”

“Not hungry, hyung.” Howon said and Seungri had to shuffle his brain again because it was Howon’s way to dribble between banmal and formality with Seungri. Seungri didn’t know which he favored. He left, closing his room door in case his members decided to say something incriminating.

Jiyong was eating toast in the sitting room without a plate as Seungri could hear sounds in the kitchen that had to be Youngbae.

“Still pretending you’re ‘just friends’?” Jiyong asked, using his toasts to air-quote.

“We are just friends, hyung.”

“No, you’re not.” Jiyong said. “He’s played with your balls before and you want him to do it again. Ergo: not friends.”

Seungri slouched on the sofa, huffing as Jiyong looked at him.

“Maknae,” He said sadly. “You have two choices.”

“What are they?” He asked, dejectedly.

“Tell him you want more than this… this pseudo-friendship.”

_Ech!_

“Or?” Seungri asked.

“Tell him to leave you the fuck alone.” Jiyong said, sternly. “He can’t keep playing with you like this.”

“But he’s not. He just likes to hang out with me.”

Jiyong looked at him sadly and Seungri felt stupid.

“You don’t really believe that, do you? Somehow, the boy’s hijacked your punishment for his maknae and made it into something else where he gets to use you instead of you using him. He comes here only after he’s told Sungjong he’s coming here. He parades you everywhere. If I didn’t know better, I’d say it was his plan. And yet, here you are. You’re not even enjoying whatever you thought you’d get from the stupid plan.”

“It was your plan, hyung.”

“Not the point.” Jiyong stated.

Seungri did not want to be in this conversation. In fact, he was beginning to dread leaving Howon in his room. But just as he stood up to go back in there, Howon emerged.

“I have a recording in an hour. Do you want to come?” Howon asked, straightening his jacket.

Seungri looked at Jiyong who looked like he had a lot to say. Jiyong was already shaking his head at Seungri but Seungri did not want to stay behind.

“Let me get dressed.” He said, running off to his room.

They talked about all kinds of useless things till they got to the studio and even then, they were the first to arrive so Howon led him into the sound booth where they started singing old, trot songs. Seungri was having fun till Howon suggested they sing Big Bang’s Loser. Seungri was about to refuse but Howon left the sound booth and in seconds, he had fired up the mixer, turned on the laptop that had been lying dead there and returned just as the tune of _Loser_ began playing with Seungri’s voice in the background.

“Are we singing alongside vocals?” Seungri asked.

“No! It’s a karaoke version.” Howon said, smiling as he put on his head phones.

Howon rapped Jiyong’s part as Woohyun, Chorong and Bomi came into the studio. They started to clap and cheer at them. Then Seungri sang Youngbae’s part. And as the chorus began, the three artists outside, crowded into the sound booth, pulling on head phones and surrounding Howon and Seungri. He was so confused by their enthusiasm to play Big Bang that he felt like a fan as well.

Chorong rapped Seunghyun’s part, deepening her voice to sound like him as the others laughed and then Woohyun did Daesung’s part. By the time it came around for the bridge, Bomi belted out Youngbae’s own so strongly the four of them had to stop and look at her in shock. When she finished, she laughed as the chorus began before the rest of them jumped in too late.

As _Tonight_ began, they decided to share parts. Seungri got Deasung, Howon got Seunghyun, Chorong got Jiyong, Bomi got Seungri and Woohyun got Youngbae. They followed that format in two more songs: _Sober_ and _Haru Haru_ (which the girls bit their tongues in some places but it was obvious Woohyun and Howon knew every last word).

By the time the producer showed up, Sunggyu and Eunji were in the viewing room when Seungri got out. They both glared at him and ignored him when he greeted but that didn’t stop him from bowing at Sunggyu before he left.

He slept off in the corridor because Howon told him he’d be recording first and would be done in an hour, tops. So he waited. But then he was awoken by an angry Sunggyu, who then went on to accuse Seugnri of abusing his member.

And then he told him to leave.

And then he had a panic attack.

It was so confusing. One second, he was standing there, all leaderly, the next second he was cowering on the floor, struggling to breathe. Seungri was so confused, he just did what he’d seen people do on television.

“Listen to me, hyung.” He said. “You’re having a panic attack. You need to breathe Just calm down. In and out, with me. Come on.”

He wasn’t so sure of himself but he just held Sunggyu’s hand as Sunggyu held him right back, struggling to breathe in through his nose and out through his mouth. Seungri was not sure if that was the right order, but he just went with it. Soon, Sunggyu began to breathe calmly, so Seungri relaxed, sitting beside him.

“You’re lucky no one was around to see that.” Seungri said and Sunggyu looked at him.

“Am I supposed to like you again?” Sunggyu asked and Seungri laughed.

He wanted to laugh so hard but that kind of laughter might be inaprpriate in a work environment.

“I never touched him, hyung.” Seungri said.

“Lies.”

“You can ask him. I did it just to hurt Sungjong, but I didn’t sleep with Howon. It was just a show.”

“You expect me to believe that you did all that for little Sungjong?” Sunggyu asked.

“At the time, it seemed like a great idea.” Seungri couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice.

“And now?”

“I have another friend. Yay.”

He said drily. He could feel Sunggyu’s gaze on him as they sat on the floor in silence.

“Are you…” Sunggyu hesitated. “Are you in love with him?”

“Duh!” Seungri said, feeling angry. “You Infinite members are so stupid.”

“Excuse me?” Sunggyu asked.

“I mean it. How can you just realize that now? You think I’ve spent all these years pursuing him for my health?” Seungri could feel his voice rising along with his anger, but he couldn’t stop talking. He just couldn’t. He rose to a kneeling position, ranting and abusing how much no one could read between the lines anymore, taking every single thing at face value.

“Calm down.” Sunggyu said, holding Seungri’s shoulder and he wanted to point out the reversal of roles. “I’m the one with the panic attacks, remembers?” Sunggyu said, smiling sadly.

“I’m sorry, hyung.” Seungri melted, hugging Sunggyu on the floor as they knelt there together.

“He won’t even touch me.” Seungri complained against Sunggyu’s shoulder. “But he’s there all the time. He’s there when I wake up, he’s there before I sleep. I think I’m going crazy.”

“If I could, I’d give you good advice, but my life is kind of a mess right now.”

“I know.” Seungri laughed. “I just witnessed your mental break-down, remember.”

“What the hell, hyung?” Howon said angrily, causing Seungri to disentangle himself from Sunggyu, feeling utterly guilty. Howon stood above both of them, looking at Sunggyu angrily.

“We were just talking.” Sunggyu explained.

“You were hugging.” Howon stated. “Like… intimately.”

Seungri struggled not to read too much into what was going on.

“Yeah, you can stop marking your territory, Howon.” Sunggyu said, drily as he got his feet and pressed a button on the elevator.

Howon looked at him then looked back at Seungri.

“Is there something I should know?” He asked. And Seungri shook his head, unable to speak.

*********

It’s been a week since the CEO asked Sungjong and Sungyeol to get better acquainted with the boys in Jetesy. Hence, the week of spending late nights at the soon-to-be-old Jetesy dorms as they go over scripts, play games, eat together and, sometimes, sleep there.

Since most of the other Infinite members were busy, Sungjong didn’t really feel bad about not going back to their own dorms anyway. PT members (Howon, Woohyun, and Sunggyu) spent more time with their APink counterparts than the rest of Infinite. Dongwoo’s Musical had begun rehearsals earlier in the week and Myungsoo spent his time with his manager, looking over God-knows-what for his new drama. And most of the time, when they were done with Jetesy, Sungyeol didn’t go back to dorm. He just hung around or slept over at Teentop’s place.

So Sungjong didn’t feel weird about staying over at Jetesy’s place all the time. The boys even teased him about being a Jetesy member but he didn’t care. He got to watch Taesan fight his battles for him, fawn over him and then pull him down to watch re-runs of Infinite appearances. He always had something to say about everyone and more than a few times, he’d spoken along with the voices on screen, which told Sungjong that he’d probably watched it a million times over.

It’d been a week since they started hanging out with Jetesy, when something happened. Sungjong didn’t know who made the first move, but before he knew it, he was kissing Taesan and that might have been alright, if the boy didn’t whimper and make very desperate sounds into the kiss that was sure to wake his teammates. Who were just a wall away. Sungjong did not want to get caught. That was the very last thing he wanted to do, but Taesan found it very hard to get the message and when he did get it, he just looked uncomfortable, lying there, clenching his lips and his eyes as if he was in pain.

“You really need to make sounds?” Sungjong asked, concerned.

“I’ll be fine, hyung.” He said breathlessly. “Don’t stop. Please. I’ll be fine.”

Sungjong managed to get both of them off that night, but by the time he was done, there were tears in Taesan’s eyes and he was looking at Sungjong as if Sungjong just created the world. Sungjong did not know what to make of that. It was too much. He was just using the boy and the boy was so visibly infatuated.

He should never have let Sungyeol talk him into this.

“How old are you?” Sungjong asked when Taesan tossed him a towel to clean up with.

“19.” Taesan said, shyly.

“Have you ever been with anyone?” Sungjong asked, looking to assuage his guilt of just having sullied someone’s child.

“Yes… uh… a girl. Back when I was a trainee at JYP.”

“Oh. Howon-hyung was a trainee at JYP, too.” Sungjong noted happily before he was doused with sadness at the recall of his favorite hyung.

“I know.” Taesan said and Sungjong looked at him.

“You understand that this was a one-time thing, eh?”

A shadow crossed over the boy’s face and Sungjong knew he had t just rip the band aid off and not string him along.

“I know.” He said.

And that was that.

It took two more days for Sungjong to crack and this time, he wasn’t stupid enough to hang around till it was too late to be on the road. The moment Sungyeol left, Sungjong grabbed Taesan and called a cab. Not long after, they were both in Sungjong’s apartment: in Sungjong’s bed.

And Taesan could scream as loud as he wanted.

*********

Eunji had lost her ability to be ashamed the moment she decided to put her feelings for Woohyun in a song that _he_ would be singing too. If she wasn’t obvious enough to him and to _everyone_ , then she wasn’t doing it right. Sending him dirty pictures was only just the most natural next step and she had to put a lock on her phone to avoid Chorong’s judgmental hissing around the apartment.

If only Woohyun would just play along, or reply or stop pretending she didn’t know what he was using the pictures for, then her life would be just dandy. But he seemed to be under the deluded notion that if he ignored her long enough, Eunji would move on. He had another thing coming. She was nothing, if not persistent.

Presently, she’s in her room wearing a red half-top and blue jean bum-shorts as she folds her legs, sitting in her pink, fluffy chair by the window. She holds her phone in a selfie-stick with one hand, makes the V sign with the other and takes the picture. One of her more righteous pictures, but she’ll send it anyway.

BANG!

The room door slammed open and the stick slipped from her hand, causing the phone to fall to the ground. Luckily, she had a tiny rug placed underneath the chair so it cushioned the phone’s fall before it rolled unto the hard floor.

She glared up at the new arrival.

“What are you doing?” Howon asked as he stepped on top of her bed and walked across it and jumped off just in front of her, where her phone now lay. He picked it before she could. “Eunji!” he chided when he saw the picture.

“Give it back.”

“No!”

“Give me my phone, oppa.” She said.

“Not until you tell me why you’ve been avoiding me.” Howon asked, slipping the phone into his back pocket and sitting on the side of her bed.

“I haven’t been avoiding you. I’m in your apartment all the time.”

“Only when PT or Pinkfinite’s there. Once Sungjong leaves, you’re out like a bullet. Why are you picking sides?”

“I didn’t pick sides.”

“I introduced you to him.”

“APink was introduced to Infinite at the same time.”

“But we bonded during Reply Me 1997. We were close before Sungjong started tagging along.”

“I didn’t pick sides.”

“Is it because I hang out with Seungri, now? You haven’t even given me a chance to explain.”

“Honestly, oppa, I doubt there’s anything you can say-”

“I miss you.” He said and Eunji sat on her chair, anger deflated.

“You hurt his feelings.” Eunji explained.

“It’s not my fault he’s a jealous nut.”

“Did you know he was in love with you before you had sex?”

Howon looked angry.

“He told you about that?”

“It’s funny how easily he opened up to me the moment you stopped talking to him.”

Howon got up, removed her phone from his pocket and tossed to back at her. He stood there, looking down at her with his calculating face and she was so sure he was about to lie. Or avoid the subject. Or leave. Those were Howon’s normal three choices. He surprised her, though.

“I honestly never meant to hurt him.” He admitted, sitting back down on the bed. “I would never have done it. I wasn’t going to.”

“Then why did you?”

“Remember when Infinite was in Mexico and I had a scandal with a model?” Eunji nodded. “Her photographer was who I was interested. I mean, he was interesting. He was a black Mexican who could speak Korean.” Howon said, fluffing her pillows and lying down on his back with his side to her. “So imagine my surprise when he told me he was married. I left him after that but we were still in town and so his wife, the Mexican model tracked me down and warned me. I still don’t know how she got to me. That was the first and only time I ever saw her. But somehow, people took pictures because she’s a big deal and she was with me: Korean Idol. And next thing I know, I’m on the front page of news papers, having sex with Mexican models.”

He just lay there for a while and she was about to ask what that had to do with Sungjong.

“I felt like crap. CEO-nim called me. Everybody called me. Woohyun gave me a stern talking to and the managers started trooping around me wherever I went like I was some delinquent child and not a grown up. I was beginning to understand what Myungsoo went through. I was a wreck, Eunji. I don’t even know how I got through the tour but Sungjong was there for me and I thank him for that. But then, one night, he’s offering himself up to me, saying he won’t think anything of it in the morning.”

“Bullshit.”

“It was not my best decision.”

“You took advantage of him.”

“I… I what?” Howon stuttered, sitting up. “You do understand the dynamics of the situation, right?”

“Oppa-”

“He wanted to sleep with me. Something he knew I’d never agree to if I was in my right mind. He was my confidant, the only person I trusted at the moment and in a time of weakness and vulnerability; he offered to have sex with me. If I was a girl, you’d be singing a different tune.”

“But you’re not. And you’re his hyung.”

Howon laughed.

“You’re saying this like sex is a one-way thing. If I had sex with him, he had sex with me, too.”

“That’s not what I’m saying-”

“Then what are you saying, Eunji? Because everyone wants to make Howon out to be a bad guy. I sleep around, I’m a womanizer. I’m a man-whore. I lead people on. The list is endless. I’m not running around trying to blame anybody for the things they’ve done to me. He told you the whole story I’m sure.”

“Yes, but-”

“Then you know he didn’t have to pay for punching Seungri-hyung? I did. _I_ went up to their apartment not him. He doesn’t know what happened there. For all he knows, I could be walking around with scars and bruises on his behalf but not once… NOT ONCE, has he said he’s sorry.”

Howon stood there, burning in anger with wet eyes. He tried to blink them away but that just made his eyes glisten more.

“Oppa-” Eunji said trying to placate but Howon was having none of it.

“I saw him the night I was going to Seungri’s apartment. And all he had to say was that I shouldn’t go.” Howon said. “He was still just jealous. It has never occurred to him to apologize to me. I don’t deserve his apologies because he’s thinking like you. He thinks I owe him something. Like he owns me. He thinks that all he has to do is bat his eye lashes and I’d do whatever he wants.” A tear falls from Howon’s eyes, unbidden. “But please, take his side. Because as far as anyone is concerned, I’m the big, bad Ho-god who manipulated the nice maknae into sleeping with me.”

“Oppa!” Eunji said as he stood up. “Oppa, oppa!” She called, as he shut the door behind himself.

She set her selfie-stick down and went after him, but as she got out there, Howon was already out of the apartment. It was not until she got into the cold corridor and saw him enter the elevator that she realized she was almost naked.

She went back into the apartment, feeling exceptionally guilty.

*********

Sunggyu hadn’t seen Dongwoo in a week since he started his rehearsals so he didn’t question it when Dongwoo spent two consecutive mornings in his apartment having coffee when everyone knew Sunggyu’s coffee tasted like ass. But they both sat there, quietly sipping away in each other’s silence because if there was one thing Sunggyu loved about Dongwoo, it was that he was an emotional sponge: he was very capable to syncing his mood to meet with the people he was around at any given time.

“Not that I mind…” Sunggyu began. “But why are you torturing yourself with my coffee?”

“Sungjong and Taesan are driving me crazy.”

“Really?” Sunggyu said with a smug smile. “Taesan’s finally dating Sungjong? Good for him.”

“I wouldn’t exactly call what they’re doing dating.” Dongwoo said.

“How?”

“They…” Dongwoo screwed up his face in concentration. “Never talk.” He said carefully.

“What does that mean?”

“I think all they do is have sex. All the time. Like every time. Like anytime I’m around, they are having-”

“Eh, I get the picture.” Sunggyu said, waving him away.

That didn’t sound right. The way Taesan explained his feelings for Sungjong, he would have assumed he wanted more. Anything more than just sex.

“And Sungjong’s kinda careless, though.” Dongwoo continued. “I mean, it’s obvious that Taesan is having a good time because… my God, that child is verrrryyyyyy vocal-”

“Dongwoo.”

“It’s just that sometimes I get the feeling that he’s not satisfied.”

“What? Like… sexually?” Sunggyu asked, wondering why he kept digging his grave in this conversation.

“No. Emotionally. Once, I saw him try to peck Sungjong on his way home, but Sungjong just brushed him off and he looked a little hurt. But then he was back again so I assumed all was well. But so far, I’ve seen stuff like that happen. He seeks comfort and Sungjong just shows him the door.”

Dongwoo shrugged. Sunggyu deadpanned.

“I’m going to have to wear my leader hat, aren’t I?”

“Oh good.” Dongwoo said. “I was worried I’d have to spell it out for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, as you've probably figured out, i love infinite when they cry


	3. Phone-caused Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sunggyu has to spell it out to the boys while Woohyun gives the girls some hard, needed knowledge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashback is in italics   
> conversations happening elsewhere are also in italics

IN-PI-NI-TU .2 

**HYUN: So we nid to gsp**

**HYUN: n sort sm issues out**

**SOO: hyunie-hyung wat is “gsp”**

**HYUN: Gossip, soo**

**SOO: bout wat?**

**HYUN: hojong beef**

**DINO: no worries**

**DINO: leader will tk k**

**YEOL: dd he say dat?**

**YEOL: bcos its bcmn a prob.**

**HYUN: jong’s usn my rum 2 spy on hoya**

**HYUN: wch mins he’s hr all d tym**

**DINO: gv him a brk**

**DINO: he’s going thru smthn**

**SOO: I tot u said leader will tk k**

**DINO: he will**

**HYUN: wen?**

**YEOL: wen?**

**SOO: wen?**

**GYU: When you allow me to sleep and stop pinging me awake every five seconds.**

**GYU: Why am I in another Infinite group?**

**YEOL: hyun wntd 2 gsp bout hojong**

**GYU: What is GSP?**

**HYUN: gossip**

**HYUN: hw hard is dat 2 figure?**

**YEOL: we all knw d issue**

**YEOL: its jong dat nids 2**

**YEOL: gt his act 2geda**

**HYUN: hoya wnt tlk 2 him**

**HYUN: n I hv 2 play hoya-sub**

**HYUN: no 1 shud ask me 2 b dat chatty @ 7am**

**HYUN: it’s absurd**

**GYU: Fine. I already told dino I’d talk to them**

**HYUN: wen?**

**YEOL: wen?**

**SOO: wen?**

**GYU: When you stop adding me to more groups that chew my phone battery and keep me up at night!**

*********

Howon was still dressed in the green suit they used for the group photo session when Woohyun and Eunji were called on set. It would have been funny to watch Eunji try and hang all over Woohyun because they were given the theme of the “sexy couple” and he wasn’t playing along. At all. But Howon was mad at Eunji. So he just stared at them blankly and the few times she looked to him for support, Howon just looked away.

Add her to the list of best friends he won’t be speaking to any time soon.

He removed his phone again, for the thousandth time in the past hour, and texted Seungri. Seungri, once again, did not reply. Howon tapped the phone, staring at the long chat stream that only consisted of Howon’s texts since morning as Seungri didn’t reply. Not even once. Which was strange because even though Seungri always joined the chat by complaining that Howon was dragging him away from sleep, or food, or group meeting or work or some other important thing but he always seemed to forget his initial hesitance once they started talking.

About the most redundant things.

Howon did not think he could have survived this war with Sungjong if he didn’t have someone to vent to. For that, he was earnestly grateful.

So when Seungri didn’t reply, he spent the entire morning freaking out about what he’d done. He texted and called and did everything short of leaving the set because, really, he was not about to lose another friend. Dongwoo was busy as hell, Sungjong was a twat and Eunji was prejudiced. Seungri was all he had at the moment. They had been on set since 6am because there were supposed to be two group photo sessions and PT chose to go first and leave for the day. Sunggyu seemed to have something better to do in the evening that he did not think having the second slot would be the best idea.

Howon found it strange that Sunggyu would pick the earlier one, but he refrained from pointing it out. He just took out his phone to inform Seungri and did not get a reply. So he texted, over and over again. And now, it was 10:58am and Seungri had not replied any. Howon could not wait for the shoot to be over so he could storm Big Bang’s apartment.

Presently, Eunji sat in Woohyun’s lap, one leg crossed over the other and the arm rest, while Woohyun –hesitantly- held her waist and her knee. It was supposed to be sexy but it just came off as incestuous. Howon laughed.

From the embarrassed and slightly angry look on Eunji’s face, it was obvious that she knew he was laughing at her and was not being friendly in anyway.

Woohyun looked at Howon and then moved Eunji around to look at her, noting her sad face. He glared at Howon and Howon just shrugged.

“Can you give us a minute?” Woohyun called to the photographer, as he stood pulling Eunji away. Howon shook his head because all Eunji was going to get was a talk peppy enough to get her spirits up to do her job. Nothing more.

“Can you take a second,” Sunggyu said, standing beside him. “And stop being a dick?”

He turned to leave and Howon’s mind flashed with a picture of Sunggyu and Seungri holding each other as if their lives depended on it.

“Have you spoken to Seungri today, hyung?” Howon asked.

“No.” Sunggyu said, walking away and Howon did not believe him.

“Really?” He fell into step with him.

“I don’t even have my phone with me.”

“Okay, when was the last time you talked to him?”

Sunggyu stopped moving and turned around to face him.

“If there’s something you’d like to come out and ask me, Howon, I’d prefer you not waste my time.”

Howon hated it when Sunggyu was impatient and blunt. But if Sunggyu could be blunt, then so could he.

“Since you’re so intimate with him, could you tell me why he won’t pick my calls?”

“Is this jealousy, Howon?” Sunggyu asked.

“No. I just hate being ignored.”

“Obviously. Because I’m wondering how witnessing one hug could possibly push your mind all the way to intimacy. But maybe that’s just me.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Of course, you didn’t.” Sunggyu said and continued walking away. “I have no idea why your boyfriend won’t pick your calls, Howon.”

Howon didn’t follow him this time.

*********

“If you were given the choice-” Daesung began, placing his crossed legs in Seunghyun’s lap.

“We _are_ given the choice.”

“No. No. Not like that.” Daesung said, shaking his hand. “I mean, I know we can choose when to serve before we turn 34 but what if you didn’t have? What if you could choose _not_ to?”

“Why would we be given that kind of choice?” Youngbae asked. “Idol or not, you have to serve the country.”

“Come on.” Daesung said, looking at him snidely. “You’re telling me you’d serve in the army for two years if you weren’t required to?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s my duty.” Youngbae squeezed his chop sticks, separating them as he started to open up the plates before him. Jiyong shifted his chair closer and Youngbae looked at him. “I asked you if you wanted some before I ordered.”

“I wasn’t hungry then.” Jiyong said.

“Then don’t be hungry now.” Youngbae replied.

“I still don’t believe you.” Daesung said, continuing his earlier argument.

Seunghyun had his head against the back of the chair and at some point, Seungri was sure he was sleeping. But then, every now and again, he’d quip into the conversation before going into hibernation.

They were in Jiyong’s lounge in the YG building on the second-to-the –last floor, waiting for YG to show up. They were supposed to meet with him earlier in the day, but when they got there, he had another impromptu meeting and since they didn’t have any schedules, Jiyong mandated that they hang out. Seungri was ready to tear Jiyong’s head.

This stemmed from the simple fact that, unlike usual, he woke up that morning and Howon was not in his room. And then when he tried to find his phone and see if there was a text, he tracked it down to Jiyong’s pocket.

“You’re spending the day with me, maknae.” Jiyong said, turning the phone off.

After Seungri took a shower, he headed to Howon’s apartment where he was met with silence. Either no one was home or everyone was ignoring him. Seungri was very worried. It was times like these that he wished he memorized Howon’s number.

He returned to his apartment where Jiyong chastised himself for losing Seungri for a few minutes and vowed that to never happen again. At least for the next 24 hours.

So Seungri sulked heavily, boring holes into Jiyong’s skull with his eyes.

“I wouldn’t do it, if I had the choice.” Daesung said boldly and everyone turned to look at him in horror. “What? Don’t tell me some of you aren’t thinking it. Jiyong-hyung?”

“It’s only for two years.” Seunghyun said quietly, cracking his eyes a little.

“I love being an idol. I don’t know what I’d do for two years without singing.”

“You’d be too busy to notice.” Youngbae said. “You’d have routines, training, a steady regimen to keep you fit and health. Plus, you’d be SERVING YOUR COUNTRY.”

“If you think about it, it’s not that different from being an idol.” Jiyong said.

“Except for the part about singing.” Daesung said.

“What are you so afraid of? It’s not like there’s war.” Seunghyun said.

“Yet.” Daesung said. “Considering my luck, the moment I sign-up, North Korea will bomb Seoul.”

“You’re just being dramatic.” Jiyong said, moving his hand over Youngbae’s bowl where it gets slapped away. “Fine. I’ll order mine and we can share.”

“Order it first before you join me.”

Sighing, Jiyong got up and left the room.

“Maknae, do you want meat?” Youngbae asked, raising a piece with his chop stick.

Seungri shook his head.

“Why are you sulking?” Daesung asked.

“Jiyong took his phone.” Youngbae teased. “He can’t text lover-boy all day now.”

“What’s the deal with you two?” Seunghyun asked.

“Nothing.” Seungri said. “We’re just friends.”

Youngbae scoffed.

“I wonder how you can follow someone around like a puppy and they don’t even see you.”

“One word, hyung: Tiffany.” Seungri said evilly as Youngbae’s face went red.

“What?” Seunghyun asked as he and Daesung turned to look at Youngbae in shock.

“You bastard.” Youngbae said.

“I KNEW IT!” Daesung called, sitting up and pumping his fist in the air. “I said it. Didn’t I say it, hyung?”

“You did.” Seunghyun nodded fondly.

Jiyong entered the room, swinging his hands.

“What did you know?” Jiyong asked.

“It’s nothing.” Youngbae said, quickly. “Jiyong come and eat. Now!”

Jiyong looked at him, confused.

“Youngbae has a crush on Tiffany.” Daesung sang.

Jiyong didn’t look surprise but a sinful smile crossed his face.

“Did you know-” Jiyong began before Youngbae got up and lunged at him, hoping to stop Jiyong from opening his ever-big mouth. Jiyong dodged and ran. Youngbae pursued.

“Did we know what?” Daesung stood, impatient. “Did we know what?”

“He kissed Tiffany.” Jiyong shouted and the rest of them were shocked but from the way Youngbae continued running, it was obvious there was still more to the story. So Seunghyun and Daesung stepped in, pulling Youngbae away from Jiyong so he could catch his breath.

“Jiyong, I know stuff about you too.”

“Nothing you have on me is worse than this.” Jiyong said between heaves of breath.

“Jiyong-ie.” Youngbae pleaded.

“He kissed Tiffany. She pushed him away and spat on the ground.”

The world stopped for a second.

Then everyone erupted into laughter as Youngbae sank to the ground in an embarrassed heap.

“She apologized.” He said weakly.

“But the harm was already done.” Jiyong continued, taking his place by Youngbae’s food and digging in as they spent the rest of the wait for YG teasing Youngbae with saliva puns.

*********

Sungjong knew they were already late for the photo shoot, but he couldn’t help pulling Taesan into a closet when they got to the set. Fifteen more minutes never caused any harm.

Except when he showed up, Sungyeol was fuming at him as Taesan shuffled away, guiltily, hoping to avoid Sungyeol in responsibility mode.

“What do you think you’re doing? This is the third schedule you’ve shown up late for?”

“We got caught in traffic.” Sungjong lied.

“You’re made. Not much lateness can do for you but think of what you’re doing to that boy. If CEO-nim gets word of this, he’s done. Do you want that on your conscience?”

“Well what do you want from me, hyung? You’re the one who said I should sleep with him? Did you think this was not going to affect work?”

“Forgive me for thinking you were mature enough to handle your personal life and work business at the same time. Who knew multitasking was such a feat?”

Sungyeol stumped away, following Taesan so he could get the boy dressed because the rest of Jetesy were all ready.

The PT members were done with their shoot but some of them were still wearing their costumes. At least he’d like to believe Chorong didn’t leave her house looking like a biker/vampire/hooker. This discovery caused Sungjong to look around, hoping to sport a certain someone he may have missed. Just in the nick of time, he saw Howon disappear in the direction of the bathroom and he followed, without thinking.

Howon entered and shut the door but Sungjong could hear that he was on the phone.

 _“… don’t even know what I’ve done.”_ Howon was saying. _“I’m sorry, either way. I don’t know if you’d be mad if I went to your dorm. Or maybe I should go. We can talk about it, you know. Just tell me what I did.”_

Sungjong could not take it anymore. He pushed the bathroom door open as Howon turned around to see him. Howon cut the call and put his phone in his pocket and attempted to leave but Sungjong blocked him.

“Where to, hyung?” Sungjong asked, feeling pissed. “Off to do more begging?”

“Step aside.” Howon warned.

“Or what? Maybe you want to punch me again.”

Howon looked like he was considering it and Sungjong regretted putting the idea in his head.

***FLASHBACK***

_Howon did not finish opening the door to Seungri’s house when Sungjong burst past him in fury._

_“What are you doing here, Jong-ie?” Howon asked._

_“Why are you on a date?” Sungjong asked. Howon was almost angry._

_“_ _You need to leave.” Howon said, grabbing Sungjong’s hand but as he moved to shove him out, Sungjong untangled himself and went further into the apartment._

_“Howon, who was it?” Seungri called, coming out of the kitchen with a tray in his hand._

_“You asshole.” Sungjong shouted, jumping on Seungri whose hands were full of the tray carrying two soup bowls. He punched him, sending Seungri falling to ground as the tray fell beside him._

_“What the hell?” Howon said running to Seungri’s side as Seungri used his shirt to wipe his mouth, still sitting on the floor. “Hyung, are you okay?”_

_“Howon-hyung, let’s go.” Sungjong said._

_“What’s wrong with you?” Howon asked._

_“What’s wrong with me?” Sungjong asked. “I’m not the one selling myself to a guy I don’t even like.”_

_“Get out!” Howon shouted before Sungjong could continue running his mouth and say more harmful things.._

_“Why?” Sungjong challenged. “So you can bend over and be his bi-”_

_Sungjong nearly got the word out before he was on the floor and his nose was bleeding._

_“Get… out!” Howon said, pointing at the door._

_Bleeding, looking betrayed and hurt, Sungjong got up and left._

_“I’m so sorry. Can I get you tissues?” Howon asked._

_“Just go, Howon.” Seungri said, shaking his head. “I’ll clean up.”_

_“But I should help you.”_

_“Go.” He said sternly and Howon could argue no more._

***END OF FLASHBACK***

“Not so much fun when it’s you who’s been punched, is it?” Howon sneered.

“I don’t understand why you won’t even talk to me.” “I’m talking to you, aren’t I?” “Hyung-”

“Get out of my way, Sungjong.” Howon hissed.

“No!” Sungjong cried. “I’ve had enough of this. We are going to sort this out now.”

“Because you said so? Sungjong you can’t order people around like that.”

“What more do you want? I’ve given you space. I’ve given you time.”

“What do _you_ want from me?” Howon asked.

Sungjong paused and stared at his hyung.

“After all this time… how can you not know?”

“You wanted me to be close to you, I was. You want me to sleep with you, I did. What more do you want from me?!” Howon sounded frustrated.

“That’s not even…” Sungjong sobbed. “That’s not all I wanted.”

“I can’t give you what you want!” Howon shouted. “Why can’t you accept that?”

“Because!” Sungjong insisted, stubbornly. “I kept myself for you for years.”

“Oh my God!” Howon said, rubbing his hand over his face.

“There was no one before you.”

“I never asked you to do that. All I wanted was a friend. I never saw you as anything else.”

“Because you didn’t want to. You never gave me a chance.” Howon laughed like he did when he was speechless and Sungjong was disappointed because he had never before been subject to that laugh.

“You realize how spoilt you sound, right now?” Howon asked. “I have to want everything you want. I have to do whatever you want. Why? Jong-ie, eh? Do you own me?”

“No, hyung.”

“Then get out of my way.” Howon said.

Sungjong’s treacherous legs stepped away and Howon reached the door, opened it and left before Sungjong sat on the dustbin he was standing beside and sobbed with his head in his lap.

Not long after the door opened and Sungjong looked up, hopefully, but was met with a sad Taesan holding a hand towel out to him. He took it and blew his nose into it. Taesan let him cry for a few more minutes and just when he was about to ask Taesan if he didn’t have a shoot to get back to, Taesan spoke.

“Do you love still him?” Taesan asked.

“Yes.” Sungjong answered and Taesan nodded.

Taesan left, soon after.

Later, after the photo shoot, Sungjong waited, out of habit, and was a little disappointed when Taesan joined the van taking Jetesy back to their dorm. Sungjong was about to approach him when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Oh no, you don’t.” Sungyeol said. “You’re coming with me.”

*********

Eunji found her phone in Namjoo’s hand when she got back to dorm. This would not have been a problem, if Namjoo never figured out her password and wasn’t currently surrounded by Hayoung, Naeun and Bomi who were all giggling and pointing and teasing until she came into the room, fuming from the ears.

“WHAT THE HELL?!” Eunji shouted, startling the four giggling idiots as she snatched away her phone to reveal a stream of messages she had sent to Woohyun with pictures of herself in compromising clothing.

“I didn’t know you’d gone that far, unnie.” Hayoung teased slyly.

“Mind your business.” Eunji said, leaving the room as the four of them followed her.

“How have you survived without Chorong-unnie knowing?” Bomi asked, eagerly and Eunji could see the wheels spinning in her tiny brain.

“By changing my passwords.”

“I cracked it before.” Namjoo boasted.

“Yeah, you won’t when I stop using patterns.” Eunji threatened.

“Everyone uses pattern, unnie.” Hayoung said, looking affronted.

“Chorong will be mad if she finds out.” Bomi said.

“Which is why you won’t tell her.”

Eunji tried to close her door but they just crowded in, filling into her room as if she had invited them in. Eunji rolled her eyes and connected her phone back to the charger.

“What does he say?” Bomi asked. “When you text him the pictures?”

Eunji did not know what to reply. How was she going to tell them that Woohyun never replied her before? Not once. The one time he had, he told her texting pseudo-dressed pictures of herself was not a good idea. That didn’t stop her from sending more, but it didn’t mean he replied or returned the favor, either.

“He doesn’t text.” She said. “He calls.”

She wasn’t going to tell them that _she_ was the one doing the calling.

“So he doesn’t send you dirty pictures, too?” Namjoo asked, sad.

“Why should he when he can just take off his shirt anytime we’re together?” Eunji asked.

“So you go on dates?” Bomi asked, sounding a little jealous. “Chorong will be so mad when she finds out.”

Hayoung looked her doubtfully.

“Unnie, the way you keep motioning Chorong-unnie, I hope you don’t plan on telling her.”

Bomi shook her head unconvincingly. Eunji knew Bomi was a spiteful, little brat. If she couldn’t be naughty, then no one else could.

“Call him.” Namjoo said.

“No!” Naeun and Eunji said at the same time.

“That’s just a bad idea.” Naeun said. “Chorong said-”

“You of all people shouldn’t preach about Pinkfinite relationships.” Namjoo said.

“I’m not going to call him.”

“Why?” Bomi taunted. “You don’t want us to hear the filthy things he says to you in private?”

Eunji weighed her options. Woohyun might be asleep and would not pick but she knew that was highly unlikely as he always picked every time. The few times he didn’t, his phone was in his pocket and being as sensitive as it was, it always answered itself anyway. But she was praying that if she called, he was asleep and the phone was too far for him to hear it ring.

Or –God willing- the phone might be silent.

Challengingly, Eunji pulled out her phone and dialed Woohyun’s number. It rang once as she put it on speaker and then he picked up. Inhaling deeply, she began to speak when he spoke first.

 _“…won’t listen.”_ Woohyun’s voice said. _“She keeps sending me dirty photos.”_ Eunji’s eyebrows rose in surprise.

 _“You want to tell me you haven’t encouraged her.”_ Sunggyu’s voice sounded a little farther away but still just as clear.

_“I told her to stop. It’s not my fault she wants to send me pictures of herself in the shower.”_

_“Really?”_ Sunggyu asked. _“Can I see?”_

All the girls inhaled in angered shock.

_“Would you have shown me Naeun’s naked photos?”_

Everyone turned to look at Naeun. She looked like a deer caught in headlights.

 _“Naeun didn’t take naked photos.”_ Sunggyu said and Naeun relaxed. _“She was naked with me all the time.”_

Their eyebrows all rose again and Naeun blushed furiously.

_“I’m not showing you Eunji’s pictures.”_

_“Someone’s defensive.”_

_“It doesn’t matter. Nothing can ever happen between us.”_

Everyone’s eyes fell on Eunji and it was her time to look embarrassed. She tried to grab the phone away and turn it off but Bomi snatched it from her hand and held it out of the way as the other girls stood between her and Bomi, sniping.

 _“Why?”_ Sunggyu asked and Eunji dreaded the answer to that question because she had ignored it for so long.

 _“She’s in APink, hyung.”_ Woohyun said and the taunting looks on her teammates’ faces deflated into anguish.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Namjoo whispered, worried and hurt.

 _“What’s that supposed to mean?”_ Sunggyu asked.

_“Hyung, we’re one group now. What will happen when we break up? Not everyone can be civil like you and Naeun and even the two of you weren’t talking for a while. We’re not just neighbors anymore, hyung. We’re PT. One wrong move and there’s a scandal and it’s no longer one group that’d suffer. APink will suffer. Infinite will suffer. We have to think of the consequences of our actions, hyung. Look at Howon and Sungjong. They’re Infinite and now-”_

Bomi finally decided she had heard enough as she cut the call, her hands dropping to her sides in despair. Just like most of the girls that were in the room.

“Maybe now that Woohyun’s said it, you guys would understand what I’ve been trying to tell you for years.”

They all turned in time to see their leader standing at Eunji’s door with her hand on her hips.

*********

Howon rang the bell twice at Seungri’s place when he got back to the apartment building before he decided to use their password and enter. Even though Seungri gave it to him weeks ago, he’d never used it before. He tentatively called to Seungri as he entered but received no reply. He went through the whole house but no one was home. So he lounged and laze and ate their food and then slept off. By the time he woke, it was almost 5 in the evening and he had been asleep for three hours.

Seungri was still not home.

He tried calling but the phone was turned off. He didn’t bother texting, this time. He just put his shoes back on and headed to his apartment.

When he got in, Sungjong was in the sitting room and Howon was really not in the mood for him. So he tried to walk passed.

“Howon.” Sunggyu called and Howon saw that Sungjong was not alone.

“Hyung.”

“Come and sit down for a minute.” Sunggyu said as Woohyun emerged from the kitchen.

“I’m sorry. I’m gone. I’m not even here.” Woohyun said, picking up his phone and leaving.

“Hyung, what’s going on?” Howon asked, moving to the sitting room and sitting on the two-sit sofa not facing the television –the one Sungjong was _not_ sitting on. Sunggyu was standing in front of the television and facing both of them as if he was their teacher and they were in a lecture hall.

“So, a few things have been brought to my attention. Sunggyu groaned. “Please excuse my rough edges. It’s been a while and the hat doesn’t fit right.”

“Hyung?” Sungjong said.

“You two need to sort your beef out.” Sunggyu spat out.

“I don’t think that’s Infinite business.” Howon said.

“I will smack your head, Howon.” Sunggyu said and Howon lowered his eyes. “Now I understand you have issues, what with sleeping around all willy-nilly but this nonsense has got to stop. Because you’re either too stupid or too chicken to dish your problems out, you’re taking it outside and ruining other people’s children.”

“I never-”

“Shut up, Howon.” Sunggyu snapped. “If you can’t see what you’re doing, then you’re bigger fools than I know. And trust me; I already dug a really deep hole on that one. This is now my business because someone in this room is trying to ruin Taesan and I care because,” He pointed at himself. “Legacy. So when I say, sort your shit out. I mean now.”

“Hyung, I tried to talk to him.” Sungjong said and Howon shot him a dirty look.

“You didn’t try hard enough.”

“I’m not going to talk to him just because that’s what _he_ wants.”

“How about because that’s what _I_ want?” Sunggyu asked and Howon had no reply to that.

“I haven’t done anything wrong, hyung.” Howon said. “He’s the one running around screwing hoobaes, not me.”

Sunggyu smacked the back of Howon’s head.

“You are so desperate for a friend that you’ve gone and smothered the one man in the world who wants to hump you to kingdom come and you,” Sunggyu turned on Sungjong. “You’re so needy for sex; you’d take advantage of a boy who has a crush on you?” Sunggyu asked. “Don’t you guys see what you’re doing? You’re projecting the needs you have of each other on innocent third parties who don’t deserve this nonsense. Sort your problems out or you don’t leave this apartment. If you decide to ever see those boys again, treat them better and stop being so selfish.”

Sunggyu picked up his phone.

“And I’ll ask them. Taesan would tell me anyway and Seungri –as Howon so nicely put- is now _intimate_ with me, so he’d tell me, too.”

Sunggyu left, shutting the securely behind himself.


	4. Friends Anew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sungjong learns

As the door shut behind Sunggyu, Howon shifted in his place, unsure what to do. He wanted to be anywhere else but there at the moment and he’d have paid good money to not be alone with Sungjong. He could feel Sungjong’s eyes on him and Howon was determined to not show how angry he was because then he’d be giving Sungjong more power. Something he did not want to do at the moment.

“Sunggyu-hyung said we should talk about this.” Sungjong said.

“So talk.” Howon shrugged nonchalantly.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“We can be quiet, too. I don’t mind.”

Sungjong hissed and got to his feet, pulling his hair like he was going crazy.

“Why is this so hard? Just tell me what to do to make it better. Or make it the way it was. Don’t like me back, I don’t care but just talk to me, hyung.”

“For the last time, Sungjong. I _am_ talking to you.”

“No, you’re not. You’re pissed at me.”

Howon looked up at Sungjong.

“Okay. Let’s say I am.” Howon said, turning to face him. “What do you do when someone’s pissed at you?”

“Buy them flowers?” Sungjong asked.

“You want to buy me flowers?” Howon asked. “Do I not have a dick, Sungjong?”

“I’d buy you anything.” Sungjong said, honestly.

“So that’s it. You’ll just buy forgiveness.”

And Howon saw the light go up in Sungjong’s head the moment he figured it out.

“I’m sorry, hyung.” He said, quietly. “I’m very sorry.”

“Why?”

“Excuse me… what?” Sungjong asked, thrown off.

“Why are you sorry?”

“Because… because I wronged you.” Sungjong finally said with conviction.

“What did you do wrong?”

Howon watched as Sungjong’s eyes shifted from side to side as he sort to figure out what he thought could be the right answer to the question. Howon had never been so angry.

“So why did you apologize if you’ve done nothing wrong?” Howon asked.

“I… I-”

“You just thought you’d tell me what I wanted to hear, is that it?” Howon said.

“No!” Sungjong said in horror. “I really am sorry. I just don’t know what I’ve done.”

“What have we been fighting over, Sungjong?” Howon asked.

“Because I punched Seungri.”

“That’s for you to apologize to him. Why would you think I’d want you to apologize to _me_?”

Sungjong was silent again, thinking steadfastly, and if Howon was in a better state of mind, he would have been able to tell that Sungjong really was trying. But he wasn’t so he didn’t feel like helping. He just sat there, while Sungjong squirmed his way to an answer.

“I’m sorry I took advantage of you.” Sungjong whispered, sitting back on the sofa. “I honestly thought if you had sex with me, we’d have more of a connection. That maybe, if I was already your friend, you’d love me more.”

He looked up into Howon’s eyes but Howon was sure he was going to find nothing there but hate and anger. He wasn’t wrong, if the flinch from Sungjong was anything to go by.

“So if I became your friend again and I went on a date, what would you do?”

“I would…” Sungjong struggled. “I would… not care.”

“Like you didn’t care after Mexico?” Howon asked and Sungjong paled.

“You’re not entirely innocent, here.” Sungjong said.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.” Sungjong said. “You didn’t tell me anything. You never tell me anything. Then you go and blow up, one day out of nowhere.”

“Because you sulk and whine every time I disagree with you till I submit.” Howon finally allowed his anger to surface.

“I didn’t want your submission. I just wanted you to love me.”

“And you think I didn’t? I never treated you the way I treated anyone else.”

“That’s not the kind of love I wanted.”

“WELL THAT’S THE KIND I HAD TO GIVE!” Howon shouted, getting to his feet as Sungjong leaned away. “It’s not my fault if it wasn’t enough for you.”

“Hyung.” Sungjong pleaded.

“I don’t love you like that. How many times do I have to say it?”

Frustrated, Howon left, unable to hear the quiet whisper issuing from Sungjong’s lips.

“I know.”

*********

19 texts and 12 voice messages.

That’s what Seungri saw when he got his phone back. One of the messages was from YG and two texts came from friends but the rest all came from Howon. Seungri was beside himself as he pressed the latest message to play.

 _“Seungri-hyung, please pick up. I don’t even know what I’ve done.”_ Howon said. _“I’m sorry, either way. I don’t know if you’d be mad if I went to your dorm. Or maybe I should go. We can talk about it, you know. Just tell me what I did.”_

Seungri blinked at the phone. Howon thought he was mad at him. As if Seungri ever had the choice to be. He never did. Really. He tried.

His room door creaked and he looked back to see Jiyong standing there, licking an orange.

“Sounds like he was desperate to find you.” Jiyong said, leaning on the wall.

“He thinks I’m mad at him.”

“That’s a good thing.” Jiyong said. “Teach him to appreciate you.”

“He does.” Seungri frowned. “At least, he did. He may be mad at me now.”

“Right.” Jiyong walked in and sat in the chair by the corner. “Because that sounds like someone who’s mad.”

“I should call him?” Seungri was not sure if he was asking or not.

“Should you?” Jiyong raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t know what I’ll say. We’ve never…”

“Fought?”

“Yes.” Seungri admitted. “I’ve never been angry before. Neither has he.”

“I guess that’s the benefit of a bullshit relationship.”

“Hyung.” Seungri chided.

“What?” Jiyong asked. “Maybe a little bit of unease would do you good. If I were you, I wouldn’t call him. Give him something to think about. Let him evaluate how he feels about you.”

“And what if he decides good riddance?”

Jiyong pauses.

“Then good riddance.” He ate his orange. “He doesn’t deserve you if he doesn’t think he should fight you… or your friendship.”

Seungri sat there, staring at his phone as Jiyong left.

He spent the night playing Howon’s voicemails, one after the other, over and over again.

*********

“Guys suck.” Bomi proclaimed from her perch on the couch where she held her very own tub of ice cream.

“Be specific.” Namjoo urged pointing at her with her own spoon before she plunged back into her own tub.

“Infinite guys suck.” Hayoung said, taking a big scoop and then blowing on it before putting the entire thing in her mouth.

“Come on, guys. Don’t be like that.” Naeun said, also eating her own ice cream, but with less sadness.

Bomi looked up at her in disgust.

“This is all your fault.” Bomi said as Hayoung and Namjoo looked at Naeun, too. “You ruined this for everyone.”

“I did not!”

As Naeun went on to defend herself, Eunji excused herself, taking her ice cream into her room as she sat before her laptop on her desk. She had a folder open where she’d written and stored so may poems she’d written about her feelings. Most of the feelings circled around Woohyun, shamelessly and she knew no one would see them now.

There was a time she had entertained the notion of sending them to Woohyun as some form of flirting, but if she was going to use his reaction to her first song about him, she did not think he would react very well.

Woohyun had been okay crushing on her hopelessly, barely hiding it. And yet, the moment he heard the song, he’d known she was talking about him. She’d seen the understanding and realization wash over him that day in the studio. She watched him go from shock, to surprise, to glee and then dim to confusion and hurt.

Eunji’s pitch had wavered causing the producer to redo the entire part. Twice. Because after seeing the look on his face, she just couldn’t get it right.

After that, he seemed determined to act normal around her. He fought his blushing and didn’t break eye contact. He spoke to her and tried not to be shy about her as he had been in the past. The change was almost instantaneous and confusing. That was not what she wanted. She wanted the flustered, blubbering mess who treated her different from how he treated all the other girls.

Even the pictures hadn’t helped.

 _“She’s in APink.”_ Woohyun had said. Something she could not exactly change about herself.

Sighing, she stared at the folder. Sure, there were a few poems about other boys in it, but she’d have a hard time sifting through 2 megabytes of poems to find the 0.01 megabyte that was about people that were _not_ Woohyun. She right clicked on the entire folder and deleted it.

She cleared her recycle bin before she could stop herself. Woohyun was too much of a team player to put Infinite at risk for anyone. She knew that. If he had said he didn’t like her that would have been a lie, if he had given any other reason, she would have found a way around it, but Infinite? No deal. Not even close.

She shut her laptop as Chorong knocked on the door before entering.

“How are you doing?” She asked, tentatively.

“I’m fine.” Eunji said, faking a smile. She was anything but. She knew it. Chorong knew it. “I will be.”

“You don’t have to rush it. Unlike those nitwits out there.”

“What did they do, now?” Eunji asked, exasperatedly.

“They want me to introduce them to Teentop.” Chorong said. “They are so disloyal. One minute they’re mooning over Infinite, the next they’re talking about Minsoo-oppa.” Chorong shook her head.

“It’s what you wanted, right?” Eunji asked.

“I don’t want them to screw the group up. Doesn’t mean I want us to stop being friends with Infinite.”

“Unnie, we both know the reason they… we all developed those feelings is because we’ve been so exposed to Infinite over the years. Maybe they have a point. If you’re uncomfortable about Teentop because you’re dating one of them, we can talk to another group.”

“I’m not dating anyo-”

Eunji raised her eyebrows and Chorong just shrugged.

“Fine. Teentop would be easier.” Chorong looked at her. “How about you?”

“What about me?” She asked back. “Woohyun. Are you ready to give that up? I know what I’ve been saying but if someone told me to just… it’d be hard, is all I’m saying.”

“Don’t worry about me, unnie. Team player all the way.” Eunji lied, smiling.

*********

Dongwoo found Sungjong sitting by his window, looking out with his headphones on. He wasn’t singing or anything, just listening, with the curtains drawn except for the tiny slip by the edge where Sungjong sat, staring. Dongwoo approached him and lifted the ear-muff and Sungjong finally looked up at him.

“Hyung.”

“Jong, have you eaten?”

“I’m not hungry.” Sungjong pouted and Dongwoo handed him a croissant in a napkin and set down a glass of juice on the window sill.

“Eat.” Dongwoo commanded. Do you want to talk?”

“That’s all I’ve done for 24 hours.” Sungjong said, biting the snack. “It’s tiring.”

“It’s all you’ll do till you feel better.” Dongwoo promised.

“I’m never going to feel better.” Sungjong said. “I’ve ruined everything because I got greedy and the funny thing is, I’d give anything to go back to way things were. Even though it wasn’t what I wanted.”

“I don’t know…” Dongwoo said. “Howon knows how to keep a grudge.”

“Don’t I know?”

“But it’s so simple to get him back, you know.” Dongwoo said.

“How?”

“Apologize. It works like fire. If only you know how much I’ve gotten away with by just saying sorry.” Dongwoo smiled to himself.

“I have. It didn’t work.” Sungjong eyed Dongwoo. “You’re different. He’d let you do anything. He adores you.” Sungjong said.

“ _Everyone_ adores me. Don’t make it sound so localized.” Dongwoo faked anger.

“True.” Sungjong drank.

“Just give it time.” Dongwoo said. “Hopefully, you’re done with the rough part. The problem’s been aired. Everything’s out there. Eventually, you’ll start talking again. Or Sunggyu would pull another intervention. Or Eunji would lock you two in a room. Which ever happens first, I suppose.”

“And in the mean time?”

“I believe there’s someone else you might owe an apology, Sungjong.”

Sungjong looked at him in confusion at first before realization dawned on him.

“Do I have to?” Sungjong whined. “Can I just tell a joke the next time I see him and then we all pretend this never happened?”

“You’re really not going to learn?”

“What, hyung?”

“Sungjong, when you wrong someone, you have to apologize and mean it. You can’t just get by, by charming people and putting band aids over everything. What would happen when next you get the urge to scratch the itch? Or when Howon starts dating and you’re looking to feel better?” Dongwoo asked, beginning to sound a bit pissed. “Because we both know you’re going to go back to that impressionable young boy and treat him like crap. Then he’d cry to Sunggyu, who would kill you. Then he’d have to go to jail. And then Infinite would break up because there’s no way Woohyun’s singing without his leader. And then everyone would hate you even more, even though you’d be dead. Why? BECAUSE SUNGGYU KILLED YOU!”

Dongwoo hadn’t meant to shout the ending but he kind of got carried away, looking at the sad pout on Sungjong’s face. He really needed to grow up. Everyone else was growing up around him. Granted, their idol-hood had not allowed for much when they were younger, but now, fame was settling in, everyone was getting idle –psychologically- it was time to grow up.

“I didn’t mean it like that, hyung.” Sungjong said.

“You did something very wrong, Sungjong. You used him, knowing he liked you and now, you’re not going to just walk away without talking to him. No one’s asking you to start a relationship with him… God, no! But apologize so you don’t ruin him for the next person, Sungjong. You’re not a kid anymore. You have to be held accountable for your actions.”

Sungjong nodded and Dongwoo finally felt like he had gotten through to him.

*********

Seungri woke with a start, head lifted from his pillow slightly as he realized, for the second day in a row, Howon was not by his bed side. He regretted listening to Jiyong the day before. If he had just replied Howon’s messages, this would not be. Maybe it was not too late. Maybe Howon hadn’t gotten past his ill-conceived remorse to righteous anger. He turned around to look for his phone.

That’s when he saw Howon, sitting on the chair in the corner, leaning forward and staring at Seungri with a weird expression on his face.

“Good morning.” Howon said, lowering his eyes.

“Good morning.” Seungri said as he pulled himself closer to the bed head and leaned on it. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Did you get my messages?” Howon asked.

“I did, but-”

“Disregard them.” Howon said and a dreaded chill ran down Seungri’s back.

_No._

“Howon-”

“Please, let me finish. If I don’t say this now…” Howon said, causing Seungri to fall silent. “I just spent the past month angry at Sungjong because he didn’t realize how much he hurt me. Then he apologized and I was much angrier that he didn’t even know _why_.”

“I don’t care about Sungjong.” Seungri said. “You can tell him the truth if you want.”

“That’s not my point, hyung.” Howon said and Seungri tensed even more because Howon only called him hyung when he was upset or dismissive. Either way, it wasn’t good. “Fans used to joke about how he had me wrapped around his little finger and they were not wrong.” Howon laughed.

Seungri did not want to hear this.

“But the one time I managed to disagree or think differently from him. It just suddenly occurred to me that, he’s not been very good to me. I mean, I might be hyung, but he’s been running this show since I knew him and I didn’t want that anymore. I wanted him to respect me. And if he couldn’t do that, I didn’t want his friendship- I don’t want his friendship anymore.”

Howon was looking at him again as if he prayed/wished Seungri would understand what he was saying without him having to say the words.

“Howon, what does this have to do with me?”

“You’re in love with me.” Howon said, squinting like he expected Seungri to argue. Seungri didn’t. “I forced my friendship on you and I didn’t even realize that I was doing to you what Sungjong did to me for so many years. And… and I can’t even imagine what would happen the day you wake up and realize that you don’t want what I want or that you’d rather not speak to me-”

Seungri finally saw where Howon was going and it was not a very comfortable place.

“Howon, I’m not asking you to want to be with me, too. That’d be unfair to you if you did it just for me.”

“But would it be?” Howon asked. “Would it be just for you? I spent the whole of yesterday distracted and confused just because you didn’t talk to me. I can’t imagine what I’d do if you ignored me any longer.”

“I wasn’t ignoring you.”

“Then why didn’t you pick my calls?” Howon sounded whinny and Seungri’s eyes opened in shock because Howon _did not_ whine. “I don’t mean to sound… I’m sorry, I know I’m being really… needy, right now and trust me: you don’t hate it as much as I do.”

“I don’t.” Seungri said, sitting up and kneeling on his bed before he knew what he was doing. “I don’t hate that you sound like you need me.”

“Hyung…” Howon said.

“Jiyong seized my phone.” Seungri said, quickly, crawling towards Howon.

“What?” Howon looked confused.

“He wanted me to see if I could go a whole day without you.”

Howon scoffed.

“Maybe he should have checked to see if _I_ could go a whole day without you.”

The room was silent with the two of them just staring at each other, blinking.

“I’ve never dated anyone.” Howon confessed. “Once I discovered what sex felt like, I forgot how to be with one person.”

“Why are you…?” Seungri felt hurt. “You shouldn’t offer yourself to me just so I won’t leave.”

“Maybe I don’t care what we’re doing together.” Howon said. “As long as we _are_ together.”

Howon blushed like a pepper.

“I’m sorry.” His face scrunched up in shame. “That’s really chees-”

And Seungri was kissing him, not quite able to recall when he was off the bed and wrapping his arms, tightly, around Howon’s neck. Seungri didn’t let up until he was beginning to feel dizzy from the lack of oxygen so he withdrew to find Howon dazed and confused and lips, bruised from Seungri’s kissing.

“I’m really, very sure you didn’t kiss like _that_ before.” Howon said, breathing heavily as he stared at Seungri.

“It’s all in your mind.” Seungri said, feeling like he’d had enough oxygen as he dove in again, capturing Howon’s lips with every intention of never letting go.

*********

The phone rang twice before it was answered.

“Hello.” Taesan said.

“Taesan-ah. It’s Sungjong-hyung.” He received no reply. “I just called to see how you’re doing.”

“I have schedules today, hyung.” Taesan said, shakily.

“I’m not calling for that, Taesan. Please, listen.” Sungjong said, biting his nail. “I would have come over but-”

“No. Calling is fine, hyung.”

Sungjong knew what the boy meant. Sungjong did not love him. At all. But that did not mean that if he was there, without the watchful eye of Sungyeol, he’d know how to behave. Calling was the better idea.

“I just wanted to say I’m deeply sorry for how I treated you.” Sungjong said. “Just… the sex. And everything.” _Feel free to stop me anytime._ “I didn’t know what I was doing and I was hurt and everyone just-”

“Hyung.” Taesan’s voice brought him back to what he was doing.

Right! _Apologize. Stop giving excuses,_ Dongwoo had said.

“Taesan, I am very sorry. And I know I hurt you. You’ll probably never want to talk to me outside of work or anything… probably best for both of us. But I’m sorry I brought you into this mess.”

Sungjong stopped talking because he’d said everything he could think of but cutting the call felt wrong if he was trying to apologize. So he figured he’d let Taesan do the cutting. And so the silence dragged on.

And on.

“Hyung?” Taesan called. “Are you still there?”

“Yes, Taesan.”

“I know better now.” Taesan said. “No one’s going to use me again.”

He didn’t sound vengeful, just matter-of-fact. Almost dry. And Sungjong flinched at the thought that this was his doing. The bubbly happy Taesan had grown up because of him.

“But if anyone was going to use me,” Taesan said. “I’m glad it was you.”

“Taesan…” Sungjong said, speechless.

“I’m not saying you’re ever going to touch me again, hyung. I won’t let you. But I’m not… I don’t regret that it was you anyway.”

Sungjong nodded, forgetting that Taesan couldn’t see him.

Seconds later, the dial tone sounded as Taesan cut the call.

*********

Howon was freaking out. He had a date with Seungri. Well, not really a date. Seungri’s stupid idea that he wished he had said no to. Because now he was a ball of nerves. Somehow, he’d let Seungri convince him that since he was already friends with Infinite, that Howon, who was younger than the youngest person in Big Bang, should get to know them. Big Bang that was full of Sunbaes and Hyungs and Judgment.

Yes, he’d heard the stories. Seungri seemed to have forgotten that he told Howon the things his members said about him in the weeks he’d made Seungri _suffer,_ in their words.

He should have shut this stupid outing down. He _could_ have.

“Hyung, you’re not helping.” Howon whined as Yunho sat, laughing on the other side of the Skype call.

“You’re not supposed to wear a tie to a club, Howon.”

“But it’s not really clubbing. They’d be looking at me and judging and stuff.”

“It’s Big Bang. Their leader wears eye-make up to sleep.”

As Howon thought about it, he finally realized that Yunho had a point. He tossed the tie. He removed the shirt and wore a grey long sleeve before picking up his purple sweater.

“First thing, when I get home from service, I'm burning that sweater.” Yunho threatened.

“It calms me whenever I’m nervous.”

“Because it’s purple?” Yunho asked.

“Because it’s cashmere.”

“Yeah whatever.” Yunho said, uninterested.

“He’s right, Hyung.” A voice said from behind him and he turned towards his room door. “You shouldn’t wear that sweater to a club.” Sungjong said, walking into the room and entering Howon’s closet.

“Jong-ie!” Yunho said happily from the screen. “Where have you been?”

Howon stood to the side as Sungjong emerged from his closet with a handful of jackets and belts.

“I was on exile, hyung.” Sungjong reported without shame.

“So are we back?” Yunho asked.

“I don’t know. Ask Howon-hyung.” Sungjong looked at Howon and Howon could see the pleading in Sungjong’s voice behind the sassy façade he was wearing.

He really had been trying. He apologized to Seungri and Jiyong (Even though Howon didn’t get that part) and he went out of his way to defer to Howon in matters they disagreed over. But that had never been enough. Those were all things Howon had seen before. There was still one thing he was yet to see and he had a feeling that he was about to get his best friend back or kick Sungjong to the curb again.

“You’re helping me pick clothes?” Howon asked testily. “For my date?”

Sungjong faltered, obviously still uncomfortable with the idea of Howon dating. But he was here. He was trying to help and it was starting to look like he understood their boundaries.

“Jiyong-hyung will tease if you show up looking like a Tele-tubby.” Sungjong quipped as he tossed the heap on Howon’s bed. “So, what do you think hyung?” Sungjong asked, holding up a jacket to Howon’s chest as he looked back at Yunho who screwed up his face in deep concentration.

“Too bleh.” Yunho said, letting his tongue out of his mouth.

“What’s the meaning of “too bleh”?” Howon asked as Sungjong switched the jackets.

“How about this one?” Sungjong asked Yunho, ignoring Howon even though Howon could see the tiny smile on his face.

Maybe there was hope for them after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still figuring out the happy-ending thing, i promise. but i'd like to think this was happier than the prequel.  
> hope you had fun reading


	5. INTERLUDE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> still just talking

I wasn't going to continue Sungjong's story here but i changed my mind. Pls understand. 

-this occurs two weeks after chapter four. 

-this continues from where the first four chapters of BECAUSE YOU SAID SO ends.

-i haven't yet, but i hope to continue the last chapters of BECAUSE YOU SAID SO when i'm done with this.

-it will continue on the same timeline as the second halves of its prequel and sequel. pls check them out

-this will continue the Sungjong/Taesan issue because as far as I'm concerned, they belong together. I just wish Taesan was an actual person.

pls enjoy

-this will also continue the Seungri/Howon story but with an addition to the relationship. due to a one night stand in BECAUSE YOU SAID SO, Teen Top's Niel would be given an outsiders look in on this couple of dorks


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